My Hollywood Family- The Shocking Truth

I had a very stark reminder tonight about how different we all are.

As my husband and I celebrated the addition of another Academy Award to his resume, I remarked online how nice it was to hear so many of the acceptance speeches include thanks to wives and kids.

I'm a wife. I have kids. I notice these things.

Of course the internet being what it is, it didn't take long before a very snarky comment was thrown my way by a conservative- "Yeah, they are such role models for family values."

And I suddenly remembered what I had clearly blacked out since November 4th:

Many people in this country don't believe my family has values. They can't comprehend my family is "good" or "virtuous." It's incomprehensible to them that we are decent Americans.

We live in that scary place called California. My husband works for that really pornographic and satan-filled industry called "Hollywood" and OMG I have one hell of a mouth. Clearly we can't be normal, good, decent human beings.

Nearly half of America still believes this way. They are shocked we raise children and teach them of love and kindness. They don't know how to behave when I tell them I cooked dinner last night, and the kids cleared the dishes. That we attended a charity function. That we help our neighbors that we contribute to our community. That yes...we are actually GOOD people.

I suppose it serves me right to a degree to be stereotyped. It's much easier for me to think of the right wing as some religious extremists idiots who believe in fairy tales instead of science. But alas, it's not that simple is it? As much as I LOVE sweeping generalizations about the morons of the GOP and their equality hating ways, we all know they all don't fit into that picture I try, myself, to paint.

Even in my anger, I have conceded time and time again that...ok, fine...not all Republicans are stupid. And not all religions teach hate. And don't think it doesn't pain me to have to concede this fact, time and time again.

So I think it's time to shed some light on the other side of the coin. That now rather angry and defeated segment of America still stinging from their loss in November. Still trying so very hard to hate their President. Still hell bent on believing we're all evil, indecent, NONfamily loving liberals out to destroy their churches and their way of life.

They quip that it's laughable those accepting awards on a stage in California could possibly love or value their families enough to thank them. To mention them. To even remotely care about their loved ones.

Well tonight that quip went directly to a family involved with those on stage. Who know FULL WELL their kindness, their love for their families, and their humanity. Who sat with family to watch as our livelihood -you know that pesky economy thing you keep talking about- had an industry celebration.

Yes as the Right mocked the "self important Left" for fawning over "actors" ...the Left is here, calling out many of the smug and self-righteous Right. Who seem to think their virtues are better, and more pure. Who seem to think they are more decent, and they are living the life of Saints as we wallow in sin.

I almost feel sad that you miss the humanness of a family- any family, not just those you think are good. That you assume we're out cheating on our taxes, robbing banks, teaching our kids to fight and hurt others. You condemn GOOD families because they are different than yours. Because in your mind, they can't possibly be anything but wrong, or evil. They can't be anything but unnatural because they don't work the same way YOUR family does.

Yes, I do feel sad. I feel sad because when I meet you- sure I have my own assumptions- but they never include that you don't care for your loved ones as I do mine. I might question your motives and I might question your sanity, but I can't possibly question your family. Sure, I find it odd. Sure I find it unnatural. Sure I'd never do it the way you do...but I'd never assume you weren't capable of thinking of your family during a celebration.

That how foreign this concept of "liberals are good people" actually is to many in on the Right. They can't even comprehend that we have families or values.

Newsflash: Conservatives don't own the rights to good, decent, loving families.

Newsflash: Liberals love their wives and spouses and partners and children too.

Newsflash: Kindness and generosity are NOT conservative values, they are HUMAN values. Just like you don't want the GLBT community owning the rights to the Rainbow...YOU don't get to own the rights to FAMILY.

So how about we move forward from here. I'll do my best to not assume you're all uneducated, backwood, anti-science, anti-common sense, tank-loving, sexist, homophobes...and you do your best to not assume we're all coke-sniffing, baby-killing, irresponsible whores....

Sound good?

Comments

[Miranda]

Thanks for this post. I actually go nuts when my conservative mom puts on the self-righteous face and tells me in a voice that implies that I'm not properly living my religion because I'm a liberal, "I vote for Republicans because they mirror my moral values."

"Really?" I want to say (but don't because it's my MOM), "Your moral values include lying, telling people how they are allowed to live, forgetting the poor and conceding to the torture of other human beings?" Obviously, my mom doesn't do any of those things, and neither do many conservatives. But it does bother me that somehow we have allowed the GOP to take mortality and narrowly define it as sex and reproduction -- according to their own ideas.

[Lisse]

And yet they still can't seem to grasp that all those family values "red states" have much higher divorce rates.

Whoda thunk it?

[True Jersey Girl]

You always say exactly what Im thinking. Excellent post. Beautifully done.

[Sunshine]

Okay, I have to say, I'm a conservative, BUT, that being said, I LOVED THIS POST! When I tell people I'm semi-conservative (because really, I still am all for other things that conservatives aren't supposed to be) or Christian, I always end up having to tell people "Don't worry, I'm not THAT kind of conservative (or Christian for that matter)"

This post was SPOT on! I'm so glad this was posted on Twitter! :D Rock on!

[My Autism Insights]

I hear ya! It's been on my mind lately that so many people I've become friendly with - and who I think are really good people - are so conservative. I'd never know it until they say something hateful about our president. Just goes to show how easily people can connect on a human level when we take politics out of the equation.

Congrats on the win!

[ilinap]

Your last paragraph had me snorting. I can't tell you how many times I've experienced this in from people in North Carolina who snort about my lack of values when they ask me what I church I go to and I answer "St. Joe the Trader." My brother worked his ass off all night on the Oscars and he is smart, caring, upstanding guy.

[Kate]

I'm a Republican, and I loved your post.

Let's just say, it's a challenge (and joy!) to be a great mom, wife, friend, employee and still have time to shave your legs and dress in something other than jeans or a Nike sweatsuit (... hey, you just never know when I may break into a sprint!).

We're all in this together. And I was truly happy when any of the actors acknowledged their wives... The hand that rock the cradle, does rule the world.

[abbyjess]

Oh my god, I can't stop laughing at that last paragraph. Seriously. I was trying to swallow my water.

As a mom of a VERY traditional family, but a woman with VERY progressive, liberal views, I say, hear, hear to understanding that we aren't all "coke-sniffing, baby-killing, irresponsible whores...."

-Abby
@sweetbabboo

[Kellyology]

Excellent post. Being in the reddest state in the union, as evidenced by our last Presidential election, I completely feel your pain at times. Many, many times I have felt the need to put on a facade in order to not have my children and family discriminated against because my husband and I are not conservative Republicans and because we choose to not go to church. I fear as long as I live here, the battle over who to trust or not trust with my "liberalism" will always exist.

[Kady]

It's easier to hate us if they dehumanize us first.

[WhyMommy]

Hey ... congratulations!

And the rest of it? Right on.

[jaYne]

my grandmother was [a lil' old lady] from pasadena but i grew up in northern cal and i remember being hesistant to fly over the Los Angeles skies because i thought if i was even in it's air space, i'd be forever tainted by it's sodom and gomorrah like atmosphere..so much for how religion skewed my rational thought process..
i can understand how people fear..it's because they don't know or think they know 'everything'..even so, this fearful ignorance is no excuse for twisting GOD's words of Love into words of Hate all the while saying it's written in the Bible..GOD is surely going to remember this egregious mistake in 'judgement'..
for as Jesus spoke "Ye might deduce from this verse [Lev 19:18] that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy, but I say to you the only correct interpretation is, Love all men, even thine enemies.""
it wasn't until after i moved to L.A. that i realized it is not where one lives that makes one sinful, it is where your soul lives that makes one sinful [or not]..i may have been religious but so not spiritual and oh so judgemental..i surely needed to take that huge rafter out of my eye before i poked at others splinters..it felt right to lessen the hypocritical religious crap-load off my back when i began to understand what Jesus was really talking about when He preached and practiced love..this from One who walked amongst us ALL ~ he literally walked the talk..
seriously, some so-called 'christians' ones need to get out more often..
it is frightening how they can 'CLING' so desperately to their skewed values..

just curious btw, those whom profess to be 'christians', what exactly are the republican 'values' that are continually held in such esteem as to consider yourself a repub yet a 'christian' at the same time..?
isn't that an oxymoron or anti-thesis of what a Christian really is..? because it seems that the new President is exactly what a repub [at least rhtorically speaking] values
thanx for the post Queen..Los Angeles is still a favourite city
have a terrific day~

[Queen of Spain]

JaYne what you describe is so very accurate. It's a fear of the unknown, and it seems once they know they are simply SHOCKED I even cook a meal, carpool for school, etc.

Thanks for your honest opinion.

[Lawyer Mama]

Yeah! I get the same reaction when other military family members or veterans hear that I am a die hard liberal and feminist. The mouths literally drop open b/c I don't have horns and a forked tail.....

Great post, babe! And congrats to your hubby.

[jaYne]

you're welcome Queen..
yours and others responses made me laugh loud..
this audacity to be so thoroughly 'stepford-ized' that it simply cannot compute when an actual 'real' version, who's only difference is not being 'inflicted' with same politically values, but embodies the exact form as their alien selves, can 'perform' such endeavors..
oh man..it's priceless

and sad

have a good one~

[Jozet at Halushki]

"It's easier to hate us if they dehumanize us first."

That's exactly what it felt like here in Pennsylvania during the primaries. Except it was my liberal friends pouncing all over me any my loved ones, not even out of hatred for our being rednecks or Christians - never mind that we were also still Democrats - but because it was convenient the way the numbers were rolling.

And that makes it the biggest sin of all.

Try having it assumed that you're both the coke-sniffing, whore AND the backwoods, uneducated person.

Try having the judgment made by another liberal that being backwoods or uneducated are faults or something that makes one less human and worthy of derision or the punchline of a joke, and you'll see where the bigger problem lies. As if these my family and friends chose these characteristics out of some nefarious intent. As if they are just facts that should be above and beyond any associated contempt - especially contempt from someone who should know better - and you'll know that being thought a coke whore (or whatever) isn't quite so bad.